One Day I will be Dauntless
by Amitydoesntkill
Summary: This is a story from Al's point of view, beginning on the train. Disclaimer: The Divergent trilogy belongs to Veronica Roth. I do not own anything except Al's thoughts in here. Everything with an asterisk  *  is directly from the book. Reviews  awesome
1. Chapter 1

My mother knew.

This thought persisted in my mind as the train chugged forward.

She knew it as soon as I made my decision; my mother knew I was not Dauntless.

I realized it the instant that I willed my blood to drip in the coals. I eagerly looked to my parents, searching for their thoughts, concerns, any possible emotion as I chose my faction. Her grimace still is fresh in my mind. I want to ignore it, erase it permanently from my mind, but it keeps appearing. The pain in her face; Couldn't she of hid it better? No, she couldn't have. She was a Candor, honesty ran in her blood. Her face just displayed what her words could not reveal.

The city passes by, allowing itself to create an immeasurable distance between my parents and me. Pushing my mother out of my mind seemed like an easy thing to do when I first jumped on the train, but after the initial adrenaline wore off, she is all I can think about. I turn behind me, looking to the vegetation instead. It's no help. The wind seems to scream her disapproval; the sun bears down harder than her visible pain. Mother Nature is less understanding than my biological mother. I just stare ahead.

The other initiates' faces radiate with terror and excitement. Why wouldn't they? They were all Dauntless now. Well, almost Dauntless. None of us have passed initiation yet. Nobody would jump on the chance to admit it, but there was the nagging fear of what lied ahead. To outsiders, the Dauntless were reckless, almost border-line insane. The only thing that stopped a Dauntless was death itself.

In front of me, another Candor transfer was talking to the only Abnegation transfer. I recognized the Candor transfer. It was Christina. She occasionally ran her fingers through her short hair as she chattered on. It was a surprise that she chose outside of Candor, she ran her mouth too well. I shouldn't be too mean about it, we were from the same faction after all. I should be talking as much as her.

As far as the Abnegation transfer, it was a tiny girl. There was something about her. She looked frail; her frame seemed very small to be searching for fear. Even so, the way she carried herself was certainly far from weak. It almost appeared as if she was looking for a chance to prove herself.

She is beautiful. It's a little hard to admit, but she is striking. Her blonde hair just barely falls under her shoulders; her brown eyes are round and inviting. Even if all Abnegation citizens look alike, she would stand out in the crowd. I am sure of it.

The wind roaring in my ears is the only thing that drags me back into reality. The train is picking up speed. How close were we to Dauntless headquarters? Christina began yelling, but her voice was snatched from the winds. There is no point in trying to make conversation now, all we can do is wait out the ride.

Almost a half hour later, the train begins to slow down. Some of the kids in our car begin yelling, trying to draw the others' attention outside of the car. The Dauntless born initiates were jumping off the tracks onto a roof. No, that isn't the right description. They were gliding over the edge to safety. Jumping on the train seemed bad enough, but jumping over an edge onto a roof? Death seemed to be peering over at us, picking out any victims. Nothing about this part of initiation looked reassuring, but if I stayed on the train, I would become factionless. I don't know which fate was worse, but I certainly did not want to find out not even a day into my initiation. My knees wobble as I bring myself up, and somehow I make it to the edge of the car.

I take a breath. I jump.


	2. Chapter 2

One Day I Will be Dauntless (Al Fanfic, chapter two)

(I want to follow along with the story the best I can, so dialogue from the novel has an asterisk (*) at the end)

There are a few moments in life where time is truly suspended. It is both a frightening and joyous experience. The rush of adrenaline, fear of dying, and a hint of glory drown the senses in delight. Looking down the gap between the train and the roof, I swear I see my parents waiting for me. Dread starts to pool in my stomach. My mother's grimace is back, and her arms are stretched upward. She knows I am not dauntless, and would rather have me plummet to my death than prove her right. I grit my teeth and extend my body, hoping I will sail faster to the roof, closer to safety, and far away from my parents.

"Al," she whispers, "You were supposed to be the talk of Candor. They probably won't even bother talking about your death now."

My hands swat away her sad words while my father yells "That's my boy!" The edge of the roof catches the tip of my right foot, bringing time back to its usual pace. Transitioning between the jump and landing didn't agree with me, because I found myself tumbling into another initiate's back.

"Watch it, you lard!" A disgusted voice snarls.

Peter. Of course. How could I forget that he chose Dauntless as well? His arrogance and hatred was too much for Candor. The only way he fit in there was that he constantly spewed hateful words. Everyone knew there was something off about him. Something in the way he looked at you; how he looked down at you. It was almost as if he was looking for ways to take you down, but only in the slowest ways. There are no fast victories for Peter, and that made him more horrifying.

"Is there a problem, Al?" Peter hisses. My name sounds like it physically pains him to say. I wince while another Candor transfer, Molly, shrieks in laughter. It's bad enough that Peter is here, but having his followers Molly and Drew with him.

One of the Dauntless-born initiates is wailing. Did someone die? I shudder. Did that person see their parents too?

"Ooh. Scandalous! A Stiff's showing some skin!"*

The Abnegation girl looks up, startled. Her cheeks have a hint of pink, giving her a healthy, soft glow. She looks down, and her hair falls as a sort of shield for her embarrassment. It was cute.

"Listen up! My name is Max…"* A Dauntless leader begins. His words begin to blur with the environment, barely reaching my attention. I am here. Maybe I am Dauntless.

"You want us to jump off a ledge?" Is the only thing that catches my attention. The leader is smirking. Of course they would expect us to willingly fall after trying so hard not to.

The Abnegation girl is the first to step up. Everyone else is looking off in the distance. They don't want to be the first to go. She looks down, as if she is trying to make sense of what is in front of her. The out of nowhere, she whips off her shirt, revealing a tight outfit underneath. I barely have time to marvel at her figure as she thrusts her over-shirt towards Peter, and takes a leap.

The catcalls, the shouts, all of it disappears as we wait in anticipation.

"First jumper-Tris!"*

Tris. Elegant and dangerous at once.

Tris.

I repeat the name as I wait to jump.

Tris.

I am in such a trance, I don't notice the actual moment that I do jump. My mother is nowhere in sight.

I jumped for Tris.

Looking up at her, I know she didn't need to jump for anyone. Still, I jumped for her.


	3. Chapter 3

When all of the initiates finished jumping, the Dauntless leaders rounded us up to take us to headquarters. The entrance was a tunnel, with lights few and far in between. Walking through it seemed endless; the rising fear of the dark threatening to take over. The leaders stopped abruptly, causing some of the initiates to bump into each other.

"This is where we divide," the female leader states, " The Dauntless born initiates are with me. I assume you don't need a tour of the place."**

I felt the sting in those words. The Dauntless born initiates were automatically considered better. I can feel my confidence shrinking at this thought. We weren't even dauntless yet, and may never be. They Dauntless born initiates will have an advantage over us.

Over half of the initiates follow behind her, leaving only nine of us. I glance around to see the faces of the initiates that are probably just as confused, uncomfortable, and slightly intimidated as me. Peter catches my eye and a snarl begins to rise on his face. Apparently I don't even own the right to look at him.

_Something wrong, pansy_? he mouths at me. I look away, concentrating on the darkness. I can't let him get to me. I am on my way to being Dauntless. He can't bring me down.

The leader begins speaking. "Most of the time I work in the control room, but for the next few weeks I will be your instructor. My name is Four."**

"Great, not only do we get an instructor who sits on his ass, his name is probably for how high he can count." Peter mumbles.

Luckily, his comment cannot be heard over Christina blurting, "Four? Like the number?"*

A little irritation flashes over Four's face as he asks her if it was a problem. She mutters a response, and he continues on with his formalities. It's when he begins talking about a place called the pit where Christina makes the mistake of showing her Candor again.

"The Pit? Clever name." Her laughter is barely contained as Four soundlessly marches to her. His voice is low; none of us can hear what he is saying to her, but it doesn't take a Erudite to know that she is being chewed out. The color drains from her face, and I silently hope that it won't cause her more issues. Showing any kind of submission or fear has to invite trouble here. When Four is done berating Christina, he turns and leads us into the Pit.


	4. Chapter 4

The Pit is absolutely amazing. It's an endless cavern that rises far beyond my sight. Everything that we could possibly need or desire is carved into the walls: holes that house places that we could eat, shop and play at, all sculpted into this natural beauty. The Pit has left everyone speechless, including Peter and his followers. I then notice that the only way to navigate the Pit is a bunch of paths carved into the walls as well. Sweat begins to trickle down my neck; there is not a lot of space for someone as big as me. Even so, the little walking space doesn't seem to bother the true Dauntless. Children run gidily down the paths, and adults are yelling to each other. The mixing of all these sounds brings a smile to my face. It is the best reminder of home.

All of the commotion around me holds my attention, to where I didn't notice our group start to leave. I follow the group, a little sad to leave the shouts that remind me of Candor. Four brings us to the right edge of the Pit, where water angrily crashes against rocks, the collision so violent that the water is the only sound I hear.

"The chasm reminds us there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy! A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before, and will happen again. You have been warned."** Four shouts, but his warning is lost in the crashing of the waves. I can see the chasm better now. It is one river, where the left is calm, but the right is bitter and rough. The chasm lies many stories down, so it is a distant but very unnerving threat.

"I may not know much about being Dauntless, but even my worst fears wouldn't make me come near this." a voice behind me says.

I look behind me to find the voice. It turns out to be one of the Erudite transfers. He is lanky, with blond, curly hair that frames his face. I give him a small smile, unsure if he was talking to me, or anyone else for the matter.

"Yea, I don't think that anything could bring me to the chasm. Nothing at all." I agree. " There is nothing that could bring me to that level of cowardice. After all, I am a soon-to-be Dauntless."

The boy smiles. " Yea, there doesn't seem to be anything brave about jumping to death. It doesn't seem to prove anything. But, Four did say that it has happened before. I would bet anything one initiate couldn't take it here; it has to happen almost every year. It won't be me. I wonder who would do it though?"

I give a shrug, and begin a steady stride to catch up with the group. " I'm not too sure. Can't judge anyone on the first day. I'm Al by the way."

"I'm Will."

We were lead into a hole at the bottom of the Pit. It is a brightly-lit dining hall already almost filled with Dauntless. When they notice that Four has entered with all of the initiates, applause, shouting, and other various noises fill the hall. The ruckus fills me with delight. The Dauntless may be more daring as Candor, but they are just as loud.

Will makes a gesture towards some of the tables that the other initiates have occupied. " I don't know if you want to sit by anyone from Candor..."

"No, I don't really know anyone from there. Well, I mean I do, but not in the nicest of ways. You see Peter over there?" I casually swing my arm in the direction where Peter and Molly are at. " He isn't the nicest of kids. I have had my share of torment from him growing up. The two with him, Molly and Drew, they are about as worse as him. It would be in our best interest to stay away from him if we can."

Will frowns as he skims across the tables. Over to our left, Christina and Tris are at a table with Four. I can feel the discomfort flood onto my face, and Will sees it. "I don't suppose you want to sit there, do you? Four is intimidating enough, I don't think I want to eat with him either."

He leads us off to the table with the other Erudite transfers. The inside of my stomach calms down. There is no way I would admit it, but it wasn't Four that bothered me. It was Tris. She made me feel uncomfortable. Not in a bad way, but definitely not in a way that I want others to notice.

"So, what made you decide that you wanted to transfer to Dauntless?" Will politely asks as he picks up a hamburger.

My mind freezes, and my emotions stir into a panic._ Do not tell him, do not let him know. No one knows but me. And whoever accesses my testing results. But he doesn't have to know._

"Oh, you know, I think it was the appeal of their lifestyle. They don't talk, they do. I have too much of me to just sit around and blabber all day. I want to do something with life, not talk about it."

" I can totally get that. You seem too quiet to stay in Candor anyways." Will says. " For me, it's the ultimate learning experience. Not only do I get to live in a faction and learn their ways, but I get to learn about myself. How to control my fears, how to be brave. I can access information to anything and learn about it in Erudite, but I believe that Dauntless is the only place I can learn about myself. Knowledge about the world is great and all, but what's the point of learning something that another person can learn too? All there is to learn about me is only accesible by me, and I certainly will take advantage of that."

This explanation makes me laugh; the Erudite in him was definitely showing, but he was definitely Dauntless. " Being Dauntless definitely seems like the opportunity to learn about one's self. I just hope I like what I discover."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This is going to be a slow chapter, but I really need to get the story moving to make it to the sections that I want to get to. Sorry guys :/

Talking to Will was making the little time that I have spent with the Dauntless more tolerable. Their lifestyle seems more bearable, and I am finally beginning to calm down.

That was, of course, before _he_ arrived.

Another Dauntless walks in, and all the noise instantly died.

"He has to be a high ranking leader" Will whispers. "Scary looking guy, if you ask me."

I gently nod my head back in agreement. It wasn't the tattoos that covered his body, or the piercings in his skin that made this man look dangerous. Far from it in fact, because he didn't look any different than most of the other members surrounding me. It was the snarl that hid beneath his long, greasy hair. He threatened anyone who was looking with the way he shot looks around.

The man stands in the middle of the cafeteria, carefully missing certain glances and glowering at the new initiates. His slow scan of the room ended with one person: Four.

The leader turns and saunters over to the table where Four and Tris are sitting. Chatter soon begins building as he sits down, but my stomach is still twisting. I do not like him, and seeing the menacing look that he gave Tris while he played with his piercings made it worse.

Will looks more uneasy than me. "Do you think he is going to be with us at all?"

I wrinkle my nose in disgust and worry. " That would be really bad. But look at how everyone stopped talking when he walked in. Would someone that high in power bother with a bunch of initiates who weren't born in the faction?"

A pained look flashes across Will. "Wouldn't that make us more vulnerable targets?"

After dinner, the leader herds us down a dimly light corridor. The silence from the other initiates is numbing. There is no way that the leader isn't enjoying our obvious discomfort._ Maybe we are vulnerable targets_, I think with dread._ I may be one of the most vulnerable._

We stop abruptly at a wooden door. There is more lighting now, but it seems to completely miss the leader, making him look more deadly.

In a very stern, quiet voice, the man introduces himself as Eric, one of the top leaders of the Dauntless, who volunteered to help with our initiation training.

My eyes begin to blur, and I hear the faintest intake of breath from Will.

He continues on with rules about our schedule, under what conditions we could leave the compound, and the room we were going to be living in.

Eric mentions about how they anticipated more than nine initiates from the other factions. This fact seems to bring Christina out of her reserve.

"But we started with twelve."** She whines.

This fact doesn't seem to impress Eric. "There is always at least one transfer who doesn't make it to the compound."**

He looks almost bored by this statement, when it is terrifying. If they didn't care about whether or not an initiate made it off the train, why would they care about how far we got in training afterwards?

I am so consumed by this thought that I missed the next bit of information that Eric said.

"Rankings? Why are we ranked?"** cries out a female Erudite transfer.

My eyes dart over to Will. _Vulnerable_, he whispers.

This outcry makes Eric smile. He lists that the two reasons we are ranked is for careers, because the higher ranked initiates get the first choice, and that, including Dauntless-born initiates, only ten will become members.

I fight against my body shutting down. No, this can't be true. It can't.

"What do we do if we're cut?"** Peter asks, Not many others catch it, but he is shaking.

"You leave the Dauntless compound, and live factionless." Eric calmly replies.

A silenty hysteria rises amongst us. The panic is visible on every other initiate's face; I tried not think about what I may look like.

"But that's not fair!" Molly shreiks. "If we had known-"**

Her out burst is what evokes emotion out of Eric.

"Are you saying that if you had known this before the Choosing Ceremony, you woudn't of chose Dauntless?"** He spits out, venomously telling her to leave because if that's how she felt, she wasn't truly Dauntless.

"You chose us, now we have to choose you."** He states.

I barely catch it, but Will croaks out, " Great news Al, not only are we vulnerable, we are dispensable too."


	6. Chapter 6

My bed groans underneath me as I roll over. I don't think it can handle the weight of my thoughts.

_The mirrors that completely cover the walls won't let me hide. I can't hide. This aptitude test needs to be done. I just want to be in peace. I look peaceful, why can't I feel it deep inside?_

Tears start to sting the corners of my eyes.

_The volunteer –from Erudite was it? - has me recline in the chair to administer my test. He tries to look bored, but I can tell all he wants is my results. Erudites. They would be the ones that would want to know about you, without having to _know _you. He places electrodes on my forehead, explaining what is going to happen to me. I don't understand any of it. He eagerly passes me some sort of clear liquid. _

"_I would try to continue this conversation, but you are, uh, mighty quiet for someone from Candor. Drink up and prepare to meet your true self."_

My breathing becomes ragged. The other initiates may hear me, but I can't control it now.

"_Choose" a voice hisses in my ear. I open my eyes. How did I get in the school cafeteria? _

Idiot, _I mentally scold myself. _It's part of the test. It's all in your mind.

"_What?" I find myself asking._

"_Choose" Is all that I get for a reply. _

_I look around the barren room. On one of the tables lies a slice of cheese and a knife. My footsteps echo as I approach the table. _How are these going to be useful to me? _The question lingers in my mind. I have two options; the knife seems the most sensible. My hands reach for the cheese instead. _

_The voice consumes the whole room. "A candor huh?"_

_My body twists to confront whoever is trying to taunt me, but there is no one. I twirl around the room, looking for the source of the voice when the door slowly creaks open. A throaty growl seeps its way across the room. _

_It's a dog. It staggers into the middle of the cafeteria, looking menacing. No, not menacing. The dog is having a hard time moving. _It's starving, _I realize. _

_I began to move towards the dog, holding the cheese in plain sight. The dog whimpers in reply. He stopped moving, and let me approach him. _

"_That's a good boy." I coo. "All you want is some food right? Well, I have this for you."_

_As I approach the dog, he begins to tenderly lick my fingers before devouring the food. My fingers graze his fur, and all I can do is hope that one measly slice of cheese will suffice for him._

"_Oh look, it's a puppy!" a voice shrills from behind me. I turn to see a little girl in a white dress dart towards me and the dog. Somewhere instinctively, I knew this wasn't good. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the dog jump up to attack the girl. I lunged forward and grabbed the dog by the scruff, to only find the dog disappearing along with the girl. _

_My body rolls over from the impact, and I somehow made it back into the testing room. The mirrors on the wall reveal that I have been sweating, but no real panic on my face. Lights passing by are all I can see out of the doorway; yet I still force myself to walk through it. _

_I walked onto a crowded bus. The noise level is extremely high, even more so than what is usual in Candor. I walk a little bit to the middle to a pole, and tightly hold on. A man who was reading a newspaper clears his throat. I turn away, but he repeats the noise, even louder and more obnoxious than the first time._

"_Uh, hello there sir. Is there something wrong? Do you need any help?" I politely ask him._

_The man is taken aback from my question. He has an aged face, and scarred hands. "Yes, you actually can. Do you see this man?" _

_He points to the cover of his newspaper. A picture of a young, bearded man (who looked pretty scared) is displayed under the headline _"Brutal Murderer Finally Apprehended"**

"_Ah yes, what about him?"_

"_Do you know him?" The man asks._

_I squint my eyes at the picture. _I think I do, _I say to myself. My gut twists. Something tells me that I shouldn't tell the man that I know who is in the picture. _

"_Sorry sir, I don't recognize him."_

_The man begins to plead with me. "Are you positive you don't know him? It's of the upmost importance that you tell me the truth!"_

_I shrink back at these words. Still, I cannot tell the man. _

"_No sir, I am sorry. Like I said before, I don't know him." I say as I reach for his hand. _

_The man shoves me back. "Fool, don't lie to me! I will ask only one more time, do you know this man?" _

_I stare at the man again. He isn't aged; his face is just as scarred as his hands. His face is contorted with anger, forcing the sunglasses that he was wearing to slightly fall down his nose. I look around the bus to see if anyone is noticing the commotion. Not a single person looks to the scene._

"_You seem like a good boy, don't want any trouble. Please answer me, it will help us both. Do you know him?" _

_Bile rises in the back of my throat. _

"_No."_

My body is rocking involuntarily. I can't handle the memories that are flooding back. While I attempt to regain some of my composure, I hear rustling. Tris is in the bunk nearest to me. _Is she going to try to comfort me? _I find myself wishing. The body turns over, and makes no more movements.

No, she isn't.

For some reason, this makes me break down into sobs. My parents can't help me, Tris can't help me, and I sure as hell can't help myself.

_The Erudite volunteer is smiling as I wake up. _

"_These are the test results that I like the most. How intriguing! I really wish to know why some people end up this way."_

_I'm still to groggy to understand what the volunteer means by this. "What are you trying to get at?"_

"_Well," he begins with a smirk. "You tested into Amity."_


	7. Chapter 7

_AN: Sorry I haven't updated in a very long time. Within the time frame of my last update and this update, I went through both a very terrible break up and my grandma's fight/death from brain cancer. I had started this chapter a few months ago, before she declined the way that she did. I apologize for lack of development/structure/plot, this is more or less a filler chapter to deepen the rivalry between the two and establish Peter's intentions. Despite this, I hope you enjoy it!_

* * *

><p>Amity.<p>

_Amity. _

_I tested into Amity. _

The thought persists in my mind this morning, as it has every morning since I took my aptitude test. I tested into the faction that is the sworn enemy of my home.

_No._

Candor is no longer my home. I am Dauntless.

_But I tested into Amity. _

It truly boggles my mind. The aptitude test says I am part of Amity at heart, but I don't feel it. I've never felt it; Amity houses the peaceful, which is something I am very far from. My first night in the compound should be a testament to that. Candor was never my home, and Amity will never be my home. It's Dauntless or nothing.

A slight shuffling in the background brings me back to my surrounding. I've become vaguely aware that I am in the bathroom. The sink is still running from my attempts to wash away my nightmares and tears with water. So much help that was. A single shadow runs across the walls, which eases my mind. Maybe it was the fact that a night of terror and fear brings someone's guard down, or maybe it had always been down. Either way, I was about to learn my first Dauntless lesson on my own: never let your guard down.

"If you really think splashing water over your fat face is going to hide the fact that you blubbered the night away, you're a lot dumber than you look."

My gut twisted a bit. I don't know why it never occurred to me that Peter was perfectly capable of torturing me without his gangly pawns. It took everything in me to not break down again. Peter's words weren't getting to me, it was the fact that if he knew, everyone knew. Peter would make sure of that.

"Peter, we aren't in Candor anymore. These word games are petty."

A sinister smile spreads across his face. "Oh Al, I know that we are not in Candor anymore. I relish this fact. I waited and waited until the day that I could leave that hellhole of a faction. Even so, do you truly believe faction lines would stop what I say to you? No, it wouldn't. No location would stop me from showing you what you truly are. Do you know what you are, Al? An oversized sorry-excuse of a human being. A sickening coward. It disgusts me to look at you, it disgusts me to even think that you feel like you are worthy of being in this faction."

He inches himself closer to me, that scary smile still in its place. "You should watch what you say Al. You remember the saying "a sleeping candor still talks"? You should watch what you say, or else you are just going to make my job easier. And guess what- you're right! We aren't in Candor anymore! We are in a place far worse for you. Keep your words in your mind when I come after you, just remember where we are. Words games are petty, but there are other games that I have in mind. Other games that I can get away with. Observe your surroundings; see what other people can do. See what they get away with. Then imagine the things I would do, how much worse they would be. Then remind yourself that we aren't in Candor, I won't have to lie about what I did, and that I would get away with it."

He stepped back as everything he said sank in. There was some truth to his words- he could cause a lot of problems that he couldn't in Candor, and openly do it too. Or at the very least, more vicious than what he would have done. A triumphant smile replaces the sinister one, and he leaves the room laughing.

I turn back to the sinks, trying once again to wash away my fears. This time they are different fears, reaching farther than my own secrets.


	8. Chapter 8

Today we will learn how to shoot a gun, or so Four says. It's our first day of being Dauntless and they're handing out guns. I thank everything I can possibly think of that there is people between me and Peter's gun.

The gun is cold. In my hands I possess the power to silence someone permanently, something that would never be approved of in Candor. Holding it feels wrong; Four is droning on about how it is supposed to help us overcome cowardice, but all a gun seems to do is shield a coward.

To the left of me I hear Peter ask mid yawn what firing guns have to do with bravery. He must be tired from taunting me earlier this morning.

In a flash, I see Four raise his gun to Peter's forehead. Panic flushes through my body. There is no reason why I should care for Peter's life, but pressing a loaded gun to his face seemed almost inhumane.

"You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it."**

Peter's face displays all of his rage, a red blush spreading under his skin. An idiot would hope that this moment would show Peter what bullying and fear could do to a person, how it can threaten their lives, gun or no gun. But, of course, this is Peter.

After a final demonstration, Four leaves us to attempt shooting. It takes me a few moments to allow myself to raise the gun, let alone pull the trigger. My fingers trace the handle of the gun, and circle around the trigger. I allow myself a few deep breaths before I position myself.

"Is there something wrong, initiate?"

The question startles me, enough to make me drop my gun. It falls directly in front of me, firing off my first bullet.

Four groans behind me. "Well, Al, now you see the dangers in dropping a loaded gun. Pick it up before you harm someone."

I stumble a little bit, embarrassed, as I pick up my weapon. I try to reposition myself, but find that I am trembling.

Four walks to my side, studying my posture, occasionally glancing at my face. He looks slightly puzzled. I try to ignore him, but I am unable to. I'm suddenly aware that many other initiates are reloading their guns. I am far behind, and Four notices.

"If you can't fire at a piece of wood, you might as well be factionless." He gives me a hard look before he walks away.

I can feel the tears threaten to fall. _No, not here. Not during the day. _I hold my gun up, close my eyes, and fire.

The recoil causes me to take a step back, something that I didn't expect. A laugh comes from my left.

"The first recoil is the worst. It gets easier a lot easier to handle after that."

It's Christina, which makes me feel a little better. I look at her smiling face and try to smile back.

"I haven't hit the center yet, want to make a contest of it?" Her question sounds innocent, but I can hear the pity underneath. It's too nice of an offer from a Candor transfer. I've had enough pity in my life back there to know.

"You're on!" I find myself saying as I try to shoot again. Right now, I think I might just need to tolerate pity.


End file.
